Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Top 5 Scariest Figures That Made Me Lose Sleep

October's almost over and I've been meaning to post a couple of scary-themed Top 5's, but I'm lazy. Like, really lazy. Plus, I don't like thinking of things that scare me. But I thought 'For the good of the blog' and got to work.
This Top 5 is going to be about the Top 5 stars of some of my worst nightmares. My fears weren't Freddy, Jason, or Leatherface, but contagious things. Things that would torture me emotionally and leave me alive to deal with the aftermath. Figures that would lay eggs in my mind so every time I closed my eyes, I would see them. Maybe they would kill me later, but these jerks would play with their food first. Some of them made it a group effort to terrify me and some worked alone, but either way, all of them have stolen a piece of my soul that I can never get back. Little Mahbu will never be the same.

Honorable Mention: Samara Morgan from the Ring. I first saw The Ring when I was 11 and at my mother's house out in the country. At night. almost a mile from our nearest neighbors. Tartarus no. The scariest thing for me was probably the infamous cursed tape, because the images on it.....just Ra no. Bleh. Anyway, the second movie gave me enough closure to get over it, but even now I'll look at my tv and wonder...

5. Dren from Splice: Do I really have to explain myself? It shouldn't have been created, it looks creepy as Tartarus, and I don't want to get raped. What I learned from this movie was that humans shouldn't try to play god and I should never be a scientist, nor ever hook up with one.
For those who haven't seen the almost blasphemous 2009 sci-fi/horror film Splice, starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, features the two leads as lovers and genetic engineers who want to take their experiments to the next level and splice human DNA with ones belonging to animals. Of course, it's forbidden, so they do it in secret and raise the little abomination, which they name Dren, to adulthood. Dren somehow manages to seduce Adrien Brody's character, then changes gender, rapes, and possibly impregnates Polley's. No. What's worse is that this creature has a stinger on its tail, can breathe underwater, and has wings. It's like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park decided to upgrade. If I ever see this creature in the woods and it sees me, I'm taking a cyanide pill. I'm not getting out any other way.


4. Simon from Session 9: I guess Simon can't be classified as a ghost, but I still consider this....dude as a haunting entity. Session 9 is about a group of abestos removers who have a closed down mental hospital as a new job and, well, things get weird. One of the guys finds recorded sessions of a girl with split personalities who killed her family on Christmas. He manages to talk to the other personalities and asks them all about a Simon, who none of them want to talk about or wake up. Already, Tartarus no. Back with the other guys, people are going missing, power's going out, and creepy stuff's happening. Eventually, the doctor finally meets Simon in the tapes, and that's when shit got real for me.
Simon is a boss. His voice is sinister, and he somehow manages to convince people to lash out in rage and pain and kill people. No. I'm not okay with any of that. The last thing I'd want is for this deep-voiced manipulator in my head, telling me what to do and who to do it to. He scares the hell out of me, mostly because I don't know who he's chilling in right now and how close they are to me.


3. Bongcheon-Dong Ghost: My cousin showed this creepy Korean comic to me a few months ago and my first thought was 'What is it with Asians scaring everybody senseless?' My second thought was 'JESUS!!!!' I don't like this chick. I don't like her story, how she walks, how her voice sounds, or how her face looks. She's the runner-up for how someone should look when they're haunted, and self-haunted at that. I'm still mad at my cousin.
The story of this woman goes as such: she cheated on her husband and in the divorce, lost custody of her young daughter. She couldn't handle that, so she committed suicide via jumping off her apartment and now walks around the complex, looking a hot, broken mess and harassing people for the whereabouts of her child. This comic documents one particular instance where she accosts a girl on her way home and attacks her when the girl points her in the wrong direction. If I see anyone walking funky in the middle of the night, I'm running into the next building, and I don't care what it is. By the way, that picture? That's the best you're getting from me.

These next two are a tie. Both have mangled my mind and soul beyond recognition that I can't properly rank them. The only thing I can do is give them both the number one spot and watch numerous Disney movies to purge my soul from their grip over my heart.

Saeki family from the Grudge: NO. The family from The Grudge series. Cursed. Murders. Suicide. Resulting hauntings and spread of terror from Japan to the U.S. I can't even......This movie messed me the hell up, and everyone friggin' knows it. And yeah, I know that's Sarah Michelle Geller, but that's the only picture anyone's getting from me.
I feel like I don't have to explain the plot of the movie. Kayako Saeki fell in love with her son's teacher and her husband discovers her love diary, making him snap and kill her and their young son; he either killed himself or was killed by Kayako's curse. This cursed family started out just killing who set foot into their house, but then Sarah Michelle Geller accidentally released them into the open. Now they're in America, snapping necks and scaring people half to death. When they're not haunting my nightmares, that is.

And......

Toby and Katie from Paranormal Activity: The two biggest stars from one of the most profitable horror movie franchises. In the four-part (so far) series, Katie and her younger sister Kristi have been haunted by a demon since their childhood years until adulthood, as revealed by found footage documenting odd happenings throughout the years, as filmed by their stepfather, Katie's boyfriend Micah, and Kristi's husband and stepdaughter. Pretty much what ends up happening is Toby (the demon messing with them) possesses Katie and sends her on a murderous rampage before kidnapping her nephew, Hunter, a.k.a. the firstborn son he was promised by their ancestors. I haven't seen the fourth one yet (nor will I), so I don't know how that one turned out, but the last three pretty much said it all for me.
I don't like the idea of not seeing what's messing with me. I also don't like the idea of DEMONS pulling me out of bed, dragging me down the hallway, and giving off the impression that it's infatuated with me. No. Hell no. All of these movies have moments where I burst into tears and reach for the person next to me. If you can handle it, awesome and I wish I had your gift, but the tag-team of Toby and Katie suplexed my peace of mind and ruined bedtime for me.

That was my Top 5 and hopefully YOU aren't haunted by your own Top 5 this Halloween. Happy Halloween, and much candy to you all!


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