Top 5 Scariest Figures That Made Me Lose Sleep

October's almost over and I've been meaning to post a couple of scary-themed Top 5's, but I'm lazy. Like, really lazy. Plus, I don't like thinking of things that scare me. But I thought 'For the good of the blog' and got to work.
This Top 5 is going to be about the Top 5 stars of some of my worst nightmares. My fears weren't Freddy, Jason, or Leatherface, but contagious things. Things that would torture me emotionally and leave me alive to deal with the aftermath. Figures that would lay eggs in my mind so every time I closed my eyes, I would see them. Maybe they would kill me later, but these jerks would play with their food first. Some of them made it a group effort to terrify me and some worked alone, but either way, all of them have stolen a piece of my soul that I can never get back. Little Mahbu will never be the same.

Honorable Mention: Samara Morgan from the Ring. I first saw The Ring when I was 11 and at my mother's house out in the country. At night. almost a mile from our nearest neighbors. Tartarus no. The scariest thing for me was probably the infamous cursed tape, because the images on it.....just Ra no. Bleh. Anyway, the second movie gave me enough closure to get over it, but even now I'll look at my tv and wonder...

5. Dren from Splice: Do I really have to explain myself? It shouldn't have been created, it looks creepy as Tartarus, and I don't want to get raped. What I learned from this movie was that humans shouldn't try to play god and I should never be a scientist, nor ever hook up with one.
For those who haven't seen the almost blasphemous 2009 sci-fi/horror film Splice, starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, features the two leads as lovers and genetic engineers who want to take their experiments to the next level and splice human DNA with ones belonging to animals. Of course, it's forbidden, so they do it in secret and raise the little abomination, which they name Dren, to adulthood. Dren somehow manages to seduce Adrien Brody's character, then changes gender, rapes, and possibly impregnates Polley's. No. What's worse is that this creature has a stinger on its tail, can breathe underwater, and has wings. It's like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park decided to upgrade. If I ever see this creature in the woods and it sees me, I'm taking a cyanide pill. I'm not getting out any other way.

4. Simon from Session 9: I guess Simon can't be classified as a ghost, but I still consider this....dude as a haunting entity. Session 9 is about a group of abestos removers who have a closed down mental hospital as a new job and, well, things get weird. One of the guys finds recorded sessions of a girl with split personalities who killed her family on Christmas. He manages to talk to the other personalities and asks them all about a Simon, who none of them want to talk about or wake up. Already, Tartarus no. Back with the other guys, people are going missing, power's going out, and creepy stuff's happening. Eventually, the doctor finally meets Simon in the tapes, and that's when shit got real for me.
Simon is a boss. His voice is sinister, and he somehow manages to convince people to lash out in rage and pain and kill people. No. I'm not okay with any of that. The last thing I'd want is for this deep-voiced manipulator in my head, telling me what to do and who to do it to. He scares the hell out of me, mostly because I don't know who he's chilling in right now and how close they are to me.

3. Bongcheon-Dong Ghost: My cousin showed this creepy Korean comic to me a few months ago and my first thought was 'What is it with Asians scaring everybody senseless?' My second thought was 'JESUS!!!!' I don't like this chick. I don't like her story, how she walks, how her voice sounds, or how her face looks. She's the runner-up for how someone should look when they're haunted, and self-haunted at that. I'm still mad at my cousin.
The story of this woman goes as such: she cheated on her husband and in the divorce, lost custody of her young daughter. She couldn't handle that, so she committed suicide via jumping off her apartment and now walks around the complex, looking a hot, broken mess and harassing people for the whereabouts of her child. This comic documents one particular instance where she accosts a girl on her way home and attacks her when the girl points her in the wrong direction. If I see anyone walking funky in the middle of the night, I'm running into the next building, and I don't care what it is. By the way, that picture? That's the best you're getting from me.

These next two are a tie. Both have mangled my mind and soul beyond recognition that I can't properly rank them. The only thing I can do is give them both the number one spot and watch numerous Disney movies to purge my soul from their grip over my heart.

Saeki family from the Grudge: NO. The family from The Grudge series. Cursed. Murders. Suicide. Resulting hauntings and spread of terror from Japan to the U.S. I can't even......This movie messed me the hell up, and everyone friggin' knows it. And yeah, I know that's Sarah Michelle Geller, but that's the only picture anyone's getting from me.
I feel like I don't have to explain the plot of the movie. Kayako Saeki fell in love with her son's teacher and her husband discovers her love diary, making him snap and kill her and their young son; he either killed himself or was killed by Kayako's curse. This cursed family started out just killing who set foot into their house, but then Sarah Michelle Geller accidentally released them into the open. Now they're in America, snapping necks and scaring people half to death. When they're not haunting my nightmares, that is.

And......

Toby and Katie from Paranormal Activity: The two biggest stars from one of the most profitable horror movie franchises. In the four-part (so far) series, Katie and her younger sister Kristi have been haunted by a demon since their childhood years until adulthood, as revealed by found footage documenting odd happenings throughout the years, as filmed by their stepfather, Katie's boyfriend Micah, and Kristi's husband and stepdaughter. Pretty much what ends up happening is Toby (the demon messing with them) possesses Katie and sends her on a murderous rampage before kidnapping her nephew, Hunter, a.k.a. the firstborn son he was promised by their ancestors. I haven't seen the fourth one yet (nor will I), so I don't know how that one turned out, but the last three pretty much said it all for me.
I don't like the idea of not seeing what's messing with me. I also don't like the idea of DEMONS pulling me out of bed, dragging me down the hallway, and giving off the impression that it's infatuated with me. No. Hell no. All of these movies have moments where I burst into tears and reach for the person next to me. If you can handle it, awesome and I wish I had your gift, but the tag-team of Toby and Katie suplexed my peace of mind and ruined bedtime for me.

That was my Top 5 and hopefully YOU aren't haunted by your own Top 5 this Halloween. Happy Halloween, and much candy to you all!

5 Movies That Traumatized Me Forever

It's no secret that when it comes to scary movies, I'm a big baby. It doesn't take much to freak me out or make me lose sleep over something, so I've learned to just avoid scary movies in general (even though most nowadays suck). Don't get me wrong, it's not Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, or any of the old school badies that haunt me; they're human, no matter how inhuman they become, and (despite the numerous sequels) they can be defeated, if only temporarily. It's the things that stop for nothing, the ones that don't get beaten in the end, and the creatures that simply don't make sense. Here are the 5 movies that ruined my life forever and left me scarred.

5. Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964): Don't ask why, I don't even know. I only saw it when I was super-young, so I barely even remember this movie. I mostly remember waking up that night, screaming over Mothra. I'm sure the movie's stupid or hokey, but I won't rewatch it, no way. I trust my childhood instincts.






4. Deep Blue Sea (1999): I saw this movie when I was 8 or 9, which were the key years of my fascination of marine life and the ocean. I was enamored with dolphins, the superheroes of the waters, so I guess it was only a matter of time before I had to be exposed to the horrifying madness of the ultimate marine villains, the sharks. Sharks are terrifying as it is, but these sharks were smarter, faster, and hungrier. No sir, not okay. I'll go swimming again, but something touches me in the water and I'm freaking out, freshwater or salt. This movie forever branded sharks as the enemy for me, and it's not changing anytime soon.


3. Leprechaun (1993): Most people give me crap for freaking out over this one, but seriously guys, small things are scary. Combine smallness with murder and magic and it's over for me. I didn't watch the entire movie, but I saw that little, evil leprechaun and my 8-year old self left the room. Ten years later, and I still refuse to watch it. No sir, not being done. It doesn't help that leprechaun's always look angry and grumpy all the time anyway, like they're just wanting to pull the same crap as this one.





2: The Grudge (2004): I'm not even posting the picture for this one, purely because just seeing the picture scares me. This movie has scarred me in ways I could never express. Look, I love Japan and dream of going there, but this would stop me from buying a plane ticket. I see these guys everywhere; if it's dark and I see anything white hanging around, I'm under my covers and dry-sobbing for mercy. The mom scares me, the kid scares me, her sister scares me, everything. I don't care if it's dark or not, if someone makes that death-rattle noise around me, they're getting punched the hell out.

1. Paranormal Activity (2009): Hm, 2 years in a closet with Kayako or 2 minutes in a field with Katie? Bring on the closet, no questions asked. This movie ruined my life permanently, AND THEY KEEP MAKING MORE!!! I get teased relentlessly for this, but I think it's completely reasonable. I had no idea what this movie was about going in (I thought it was a documentary) and I have a fear of not seeing what's after me, so a scary demon messing around with people destroyed me in one blow, and it's not hot anime demons, it's a real one, from hell. I don't care if demons are real or not, or how fake the movie is, I couldn't see the thing, it can possess people, and you can't stop something like that. My life is over. I couldn't sleep for months, and by the time I could, they announced a sequel. I went to see that one, thinking that I might find closure, only to realize no Kayla, it only got worse. They have another coming out this year, and I'm not doing it, I refuse to. I'll stop being friends with people before I go see that thing. Three a.m. keeps me on my toes, I keep my feet inside my blanket at all times while sleeping, and somebody says anything regarding "demon" or "ghost", I'm bailing, sorry party members.

Top 5 Historical Dramas

Newsflash guys: I'm a MAJOR history buff. I honestly enjoy finding out useless pieces of historical drama and watch (hopefully) Oscar-worthy actors chew scenery in historical dramas. It's like watching the past come to life! So without further ado, here are my top 5 historical dramas! LIGHTS!!!

5. The Other Boleyn Girl: This movie is about the seduction of Henry VIII. No, I'm not joking. Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson play sisters (Anne Boleyn and the lesser-known Mary Boleyn) who (with their father and uncle's urgings) vie for the heart of King Henry VIII (played by Eric Bana)..... who happens to already be married to Catherine of Aragon. Since he's a king, it's not just his bed they're jumping in; it's a political pool of sharks and religious piranha that wind up changing a nation. Sex is waay too powerful in this world. History spoils the ending for everyone, especially if you know your Elizabethan history. Or just know how many times Henry pulled this crap.

Still, I really enjoy this movie. Natalie Portman regained my respect with her portrayal of the devious Anne Boleyn and Kristen Scott Thomas (playing her mother) really blows me away. The others? Eh. I like the story though.

4. The King's Speech: This time, everyone loved this movie, not just me! The Academy Awards back me up! This movie was fabulous, gripping, and about so much more than someone with a speech impediment. Colin Firth plays the future King George VI, who, from a young age, has been plagued with a speech impediment. Since his role as a public figure requires him to speak to the public, his wife (Helena Bonham Carter) recruits failed actor-turned speech therapist (the FANTASTIC Geoffrey Rush) to help her husband. What starts as a professional relationship blossoms into a fierce friendship that touched my heart and really made the movie for me. The cast was fabulous, including Dumbledore (Michael Gambon as King George V), the pacing fit, and it was just.... !!!!!

3. Elizabeth: The Golden Age: The ever-amazing Cate Blanchett reprises her role as Queen Elizabeth I in this sequel to the 1996 film Elizabeth, which now deals with the upcoming execution of Mary Stuart and the fame Spanish Armada. This was the Elizabeth I always wanted to see! She was fearless and proud, yet vulnerable to the wants of a woman at the same time. I cried at her bravery and the personal sacrifices she made to be queen of her country! Geoffrey Rush returns as her bamf advisor Walsingham and Rhys Ifans even has a part to play in this riveting film. For everyone else, there's a dashing Clive Own. Let us feast!

2. Alexander: This long-ass, but amazing movie about the life of Alexander the Great (directed by Oliver Stone) is a life-long top 10 for me. We have here an all-star cast of Colin Farrell (Alexander himself), Angelina Jolie (his mother, Olympias) Val Kilmer (his father, Phillip) Jared Leto (his best friend/lover, Hephaestion), Rosario Dawson (his barbaric wife, Roxanna), and Anthony Hopkins....being Anthony Hopkins. Honestly, the man pretty much plays the same character in every movie: epic. We see everything from Alexander at 5 years old, hanging out with his snake-loving, jealous, Oedipus-complex inducing mother, to his legendary conquest of most of the known world, to his dying days as a heartbroken shell of the courageous man he used to be. It's a tale that inspires awe and thought, and brings up the questions: How much is too much? How far is too far? Does one become a legend by chasing them, or creating one of their own? I wish Oliver Stone would do another version of it, just to see more of Alexander's personal life, especially his relationship with the beautiful Hephaestion. Yes, I ship that. So does history.

1. Anonymous: A movie I waited to see for almost a year. A movie I screamed at my theaters for not releasing on time. A movie I saw twice in two days when we finally did get it. A movie I bought the day of the DVD release. The movie that- okay, I'll stop now.
This is pretty much the most expensive campaign for the Oxfordian theory of the authorship of Shakespeare's works anyone could ever make. Did the movie change my mind about who wrote those works? No, but I enjoyed every moment of it. Rhys Ifans in his first real starring role plays the Earl of Oxford, Edward de Vere, a closeted poet and playwright, who busts out his hand-dandy quill again to, via plays (the only form of entertainment for poor people), convince the public to support the Earl of Essex to succeeded the aged Queen Elizabeth form behind the scenes. He originally gets Ben Jonson to put the plays out anonymously, but a drunken Will Shakespeare takes the credit instead. Oh dear. Guess who becomes Edward's literary beard? It's not just a political snakepit, there's also romance, tragedy, and devious plots to fill up the time. My first two viewings consisted of me watching Rhys Ifans with a dreamy smile on my face and sighing. The film also stars Twilight's Xavier Samuel, Harry Potter's David Thewlis, mother-daughter duo Vanessa Redgrave and Joely Richardson (who both play Elizabeth), and Twilight's Jamie Campell Bower as a young Edward.

Whew. That was a lot of ensembles that I didn't notice until I made this blog. Well, my geek secret's out. I will wave my freak-flag high. PRIDE!!